To the VERY few who read my blog...

I have now had a blog for a couple of years and in those couple of years I have not acquired a large audience. I did not expect to. My blog would only be interesting to those who are close to me. If you do not know me then descriptions of my kids and family life would probably not interest you. I guess I really do not have any idea how many people read my blog because only one person has seemed to have left comments, I do know that it is not that many.

Recently I have come under attack for one of my most recent posts in which I posted a letter that was written to me and my response to it. I knew in writing that post I would for sure anger one and possibly others. I will not apologize for writing it but will apologize for the childish finger pointing that it created and the waste of readers time. Maybe this letter should have been trashed and maybe I should have just kept to myself the hurtful accusations that were made against me, again. I didn't. I posted it and while it was long winded (I did try and shorten it) I feel I finally got my point across with out getting angry, screaming and throwing a fit. Whether that point was even considered by anyone who read it, I will never know. I did not expect the people who read that post to understand or even take sides. I needed to feel vindicated for once in this messed up situation but now I am having to ward off other attacks. GEESH!! I am not a horrible person I just wanted to end ALL the rumor spreading which is why I chose blogger. No way to twist what I have said.

Also while my comments were harsh they were not untrue. In order for anything to be libel it must be a false and malicious publication printed for the purpose of defaming a living person.

It will be a shame if this turns the few people away from my blog for this is the first time I have used my blog in this way and for the most part it is just ramblings of my days.

By the way let me ask this why does it take such a negative post to get people to talk about and pull up my blog? Why couldn't someone leave a nice message when I talked about the kids or my family or posted movies?

Who would of thought...me...BOWLING?

"Even though bowling has been the object of satire in such movies as Kingpin and the Big Lebowski it is certainly a genuine sport. And, believe it or not, it may be one of the oldest sports in the history of the world. Over 100 million people in more than 90 countries practice the game, making it one of the most popular and universally loved forms of recreation on the planet. It has been the game of kings (literally), and the startling facts behind the origins of bowling may surprise even the most dedicated kingpin.

In the 1930’s, British Anthropologist Sir Flinders Petrie became the first to discover evidence of a bowling-like game. He found ancient objects in a child’s grave in Egypt that were allegedly used for a primitive form of the game. The artifacts have been dated back to 3200 BC, effectively making bowling over 5,000 years old! Although some critics put the birth of bowling much later (German historian William Pehle has said that the game originated in his country in 300 AD), it has certainly endured centuries to settle into the modern lanes that we all know and love today."

When I think of bowling I think of polyester shirts and funny smelling shoes. I picture old men and women picking up brightly colored bowling balls surrounded by plastic chairs from the 60's. They would have their quirky league names embroidered on their shirts and ball bags (I almost wrote sacks!).

What I saw tonight was a group of women getting away for a few hours giving each other high fives for the strikes and suggestions for the gutter balls. Some of them brought their children who also were caught bowling in a lane of their own while others enjoyed a few beers.
They all knew each other and a fun time was had by all. My change of opinion on bowling was not the only thing that shocked me. Was this bowling alley the last place on Earth where you could sit back and enjoy a cigarette in doors? I did not argue this because when it comes to the cold I am a big puss but it did give me something to chat about while I sat and smoked, inside. The owner, also a smoker, talked about how he feels the pressure from the anti smoking movement and how this was the only smoking league that he had. Every other night of the week the building is non smoking as a courtesy to his non smoking leagues.
As I sat there enjoying a cigarette under the big noisy fan that was sucking the rising smoke out and I wondered to myself how long till this place falls to the smoking ban? I do not know but I enjoyed that cigarette as if it were my last!

The kids did enjoy themselves and only got a little bored but the quickly made friends with the other kids. The laptop was brought out and I even found a wireless signal so the kids could watch a movie. It really amazed me that they soon lost interest in the movie and were zoning in on the action. The owner (who is also related to me...we figured that one out near the end of the night) even allowed the kids to bowl in the far lane if they were respectful to the league bowlers. Well it was hard for them but they managed. Butch walked alway the victor with twice the score of his sister and the other boy and even with Mommy's poor play! Lets just say I am grateful for those damn gutter bumpers but EVERYONE had a good laugh so it was all good.

Sissy has decided that she now wants a bowling ball and Butch wants to learn how to shoot pool and could care less that he scored better than most adults! We will see if they have the same enthusiasm next week when we go back! Oh got to see Dawn tonight, she also bowls but on a different team than my mom. She said HI! the minute I walked in. When it was almost time to go the kids came running over yelling "Mom, Mom, Joey's mommy is here!" Oh really?!l;)

Well we are winning the war against pink eye and the house feels less like a place of plague although my kids have never washed their hands so much in their lives! I still continue to wash the bed linens every morning in the hope that it will not spread to anyone else. X . That's my fingers crossed! Butch has to still flush his eyes with saline solution which he has to be pinned down unless it is Larry doing it (I guess he does not trust us girls). Sissy stands in the background giving orders and lecturing her brother about why he has to do it. I do not think it helps but she feels useful so we let her.

The kids are officially enrolled in Home school today and it couldn't have been sooner for Sissy and could have been longer for Butch. The school gives you everything you need with detailed lesson plans and PLENTY of help. Each kids gets a budget of $1,600 and each of their "kits" (I have been calling them school in a box or insta school) cost $900 so I now have some left over to buy school related materials. What they consider school related is books at the book store, Scholastic book orders, science experience, arts and crafts and other school supplies. I do not think we will run over our budget but taking Sissy to the book store would be nice because she has ran out of everything to read and is now reading her dictionary.
We worked on some of our lessons today and I really like to way they set up the manuals for me to use. They give you several different ways to teach and if they don't work they have web sites. Both kids did well and what is really nice I can customize their curriculum to their specific levels. Give me a couple of weeks though and ask me how the kids are enjoying Mommy as their teacher! Butch has never had a teacher put him in the corner before!
Well that is it time for bed I have school to teach in the morning.
If Daddy is reading this the kids miss you lots and Koda is such a baby! He drug his pallet away from his kennel this morning and woke everyone up at six because he couldn't get into his bed! My mom laughed because she has never heard such a mean looking dog make such a baby bark. He is enjoying his nightly walks and has to stop and pee every two feet. The cats enjoy their days in what I am calling a cat ZOO and get brought in and put in their kennels at night. Stone loves it but Shadow is NOT impressed and the Rooster still crows every morning.
I will post pictures soon!

I am writing this letter to finally end this childish rumor spreading, name calling and finger pointing. I have been pushed to this point and now it is time to clear it all. This will be the last letter I will write on this subject. It is over. I am done. I will no longer be pushed around and badmouthed and be expected to just take it. I am only human and there for can only take so much abuse before I put a stop to it. I have also kept my mouth shut out of respect to my husband and his relationship with his family. I know some will read this and say to themselves “When has she kept anything in and when has she ever shut her mouth?” I actually done this quite often and as of late even more so.

I recently sent a message to a couple of family members containing a list of items that I had for sale. I thought that they might be interested in some of the items and would have sold them cheaper to family. One of them wrote me a message back and after reading it several times, I am still puzzled by it. This letter came out of no where and was a personal attack on me. This letter contained several accusations that have no merit and once again this person has felt she has the right to condemn me for things she has made up in her own head. I have sat on this letter for that last couple of days deciding what I should do. After speaking with my husband I decided that the time has come for me to write this letter. I decided to place it here on Blogger so that everyone would have a chance to read what has been written so as not to allow this person to twist the truth any longer. I know you might think that maybe airing our dirty laundry for all to see was not the best idea but I an tired of all the lies and twisting of the truth. There are a few points I would like to make before I begin.

The first thing I want known is Heath and I are moving. This is a decision made by both of us and we have decided to move to Nebraska. I have family down there that has not seen me in almost twenty years and have never had the pleasure of meeting my children. We are not under the impression that this move will fix all, but change is sometimes good.

The second thing I want to make clear and if there is anything that those reading this retain, please let it be this. I do love my husband’s family as if they were my own and while I have done things in the past to hurt some of you to be fair and honest I have also been hurt.

The third thing is I am not perfect. I have not and never will claim that I am. I am only human and therefore make many mistakes. Any person can look around them and find flaws in every person they meet. It is easy to look at someone’s choices and say “I would have done it differently” or “That was a bad choice”. I try not to do that because you never fully know the situation that caused that decision to be made.

This letter was received when I have little to no contact with her for a couple of months. I did write a blog on myspace that pertained to several people in my life who I am tired of acting like high school teenagers with their gossiping and rumor spreading. This was a general letter meant for several people but I will not lie and say that this person was not one the people I was talking about. This person took offense to this letter and even had her own daughter respond to it. The blog on myspace is there for ME to vent and it is my right to put my feelings into words. I do not feel guilty for writing it because it was the truth.
I will post the letter she sent me exactly as I received it. I was accused of possibly altering it but I have no need or intentions the things she wrote were bad enough.

“””””Why are you selling all this...You too are crazy...what is up now???Please do not ruin mom and dads vacation...In fact don't even call them!! they have needed it sooo bad!!!!! I am so tired of this cycle with my kids...I bet mom and dad are totally worn out from you guys. Would it be so hard to admit you can not get it together, quit expecting help and pull your own...I am sorry we can not see eye to eye but what your not realizing is I had a life before Alaska...not much of one but I always had a roof over my kids heads, meals in their tummys and the school always knew how to find me. Erica may have been raised the way you guys are living...but Heath was not. He was not raised to be mean and negative. To put up with abuse both verbal and physical. and he was NEVER in want of food, clothing, or a warm bed. Erica you seem to thrive best on abuse, negative and dysfunction (your extremely "self indulgent" myspace photo gallery says your self centered). You scream obscenities at people who help you and not even to their faces...only over the phone while they are talking to your husband (my brother by the way). Maybe you should consider letting someone else raise your kids until you can get it together....so they to are not living off family when they grow up...kids learn from their parents. and yours are not learning good skills to function as adults...Josh is a great example of this. Anger and negative turned him into a pessimistic angry person who has trouble trusting anyone. Do you want this for your kids....think of their future girlfriends and boy friends....how they will treat their kids. Open your eyes to your own behavior as well as Josh and Crystals...you will see a resemblance with out the obsessive need to hurt people erica has. Erica your myspace portrait is your personality huh? You would love the control and negative energy a vampire would have...sweet heart your human (as much as some of us hate to claim you with our gender and species you are.) You are evil this I have learned through the years...but the only "magic" you hold is the ability to control those around you because they do not want to hear you big mouth blast off. Is this how you want your kids to think of you...they will take their families and run someday...then your screwed out the reward of parenting....Grandchildren. Erica there is still a small part of me that actually likes you...I am not sure why. But that part would love to see you pull it together. Your a lot of fun when your multiple personality of positive choses to show up. You need help girlfriend...you need help in a bad way. Unfortunately you have bit the hands of all that have helped you. The ones that would truly practice unconditional love with you...the ones that you should be thanking from the bottom of your heart for all the assistance you have received over the last 9 years. I did it with no one...you have something I have always wanted and you take it for granted. Although I think you take everything for granted except your "own beautiful face". Guess no one has talked to you about wrinkles and age...it will get you too so you may want to find something else to focus all your time on.

Now I wrote this because talking to you is useless...you tell me what you know I want to hear but never follow through. Usually you can lie through your teeth to get your way. I knew this but allowed it because I love my brother and his kids. I wanted to love you to...but since I am a "selfish Bitch" I will not share my love with you. Nor will I EVER be selfish...a Bitch yes...when it is needed...but never selfish. I just chose when to stop giving...your bad names and verbal abuse made me chose to stop.

I want it known that Heather and Hunter always have a place here. I do not "bad talk" parents, you can ask my boys how much abuse I will take but I believe children will draw their own conclusions in due time and they need the opportunity to learn to trust or mistrust without interference from my beliefs. Heath too always has a place.

Erica you don't! I have taken and watched you abuse my family, did you even think about the 8 grand mom and dad had to fork out on your truck to save their own asses?? You will never pay them back...nor will you ever feel guilt for it...you have no conscience. I could go on and on here but I will not if you have any bit of humanness in you you know what you have done to my family. Poison Erica...your Poison to yourself and everyone you claim to care about.

So why are you running now...and why back to Homer. Funny how it happens very quickly while mom and dad are not home. Going to go take advantage of them again...or maybe call them so they will worry and cut their trip short. I beg you not to. Please do not even call them unless it is to say "Hope your trip is wonderful." They will be home soon enough.

I know this has pissed you off, and I know you will go on and on about it to anyone who will listen. Just want you to know...I kept a copy. I will print it out and have no problem showing it to anyone you chose to lie to about it. The truth hurts. I also want to point out that I have said nothing here that I have not said to your face in the past.

On that note...I am going to guess Heath will be pissed at me, probably wont talk to me for awhile so I want him to know...I LOVE him very much and want him and his kids to have a better life than they have. I am willing to do anything in my power to help him....with out you...unless you get some serious help.

Heath...I love you and know what your dealing with...been there done that...when you forgive me for being honest (or maybe thank me)...I will be here.
Shana”””””
I would like to point out that at the time this letter was received she had no clue as to what we were doing because we wanted to get the rest of our details worked out before we told everyone. We DID NOT plan this move so that Stan and Terry would cut their vacation short and why should they? Heath and I agree that Stan and Terry needed this vacation and are glad that they decided to do it. If she thinks that they are worn out from us then how must they feel towards her and her constant issues and begging for money? Or how about faking that she had cancer when her entire family knew that she did not.
Why does she feel she has the right to lecture us about getting our life together? Is it because she makes so MANY mistakes in her life that she has the right to condemn people for the mistakes they have made in theirs? So tell me, given her present situation what valuable bits of wisdom has she received and when will she apply them to her own life instead of messing around with someone else’s life?

“”…I have always had a roof over my kid’s heads, meals in their tummies and the school always knew how to find me…””

How quickly she has forgotten the condition she was living when she called Alaska and borrowed money from everyone including Heath and I so she could move her family up here. I am assuming that the jab about the school always knowing how to find you is regarding the school nurse contacting Heidi’s house. Let me ask this. In the days before cell phones if your kids were in school and you had to go to the store, did they know how to find you there? The phone call was about the kid’s eye appointment and was NOT an emergency had it been they knew that I was at home and they could contact me there. I left instructions with the principal.
Also how much of a home is your house with no heat, warm water to wash your dishes or bathe your children? How about a way to cook your food or a light to read by? Did she make sure that all these were taken care of before she ran off to Anchor Point for the summer? Nope. She left it all up to her husband and her CHILDREN. What lesson are we supposed to learn from that? When she is speaking about roofs over her children’s heads is she talking about the two homes she has had repossessed? When have my children EVER not had a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs?

“””…Erica may have been raised the way you guys are living...but Heath was not. He was not raised to be mean and negative. To put up with abuse both verbal and physical. and he was NEVER in want of food, clothing, or a warm bed. Erica you seem to thrive best on abuse, negative and dysfunction (your extremely "self indulgent" myspace photo gallery says your self centered)…”””

This is a personal attack on my childhood which I had no control of. While my father was abusive my mother was not and I speak for her when I say that she has no right to say that I was raised to be mean and negative. She had a wonderful childhood so what is her excuse for being mean and negative?
As far as the verbal and physical abuse yes I do have a temper and yes I have talked to my husband in ways that are shameful. I do not and can not deny it. Had anybody been around us in the last year they would have noticed that changes have been made and while I am still a work in progress there is light at the end of the tunnel. As far as the physical abuse I do not physically abuse my husband! How silly is that!
No person thrives on abuse, negativity and dysfunction if she was as educated as she claims she would know this. A person may get short term satisfaction or feel good for the moment but they do not actually thrive and I am no exception. I do not crave negativity and dysfunction and it seems since the letter I received was not prompted by any actions by me or my husband, so the only person who likes negativity and dysfunction is her. Now ask yourselves how many times has she stirred the pot in your relationship each time blaming someone else and each time it is caused by a shortage of her meds or other “stuff”. The old saying goes misery loves company and she is a perfect example.
As for my photos they are mine and that is myspace if you do not like looking at my photos then don't. I take pictures of myself to show examples of what my photography abilities are and also to show to family members who have not seen me in almost twenty years who I am. If I am self centered for taking these pictures then so is every person on myspace! What about a person very close to her who also enjoys taking pictures of herself does that also mean that she is self indulgent and self centered? And isn't anything we do for ourselves self indulgant? So I guess because I enjoy taking pictures, when I am doing that I am being self indulgent. Guilty! Ha Ha Ha!



“””You scream obscenities at people who help you and not even to their faces...only over the phone while they are talking to your husband (my brother by the way)…”””

Uh, first what did you did you do for us? A roof over our head and a place to store our stuff? Maybe she should explain to everybody how much money we brought into her home when we stayed with her, or maybe that SEVERAL nights we paid for dinner for the entire house because she had no food! Lets see we were two supplying food for how many? Anywhere from 7 to 9 people! Not to mention the OTHER “stuff” we contributed to her household. On top of that she had the nerve to call her parents and beg them for
money to help with her “burden” and she was hurt when her mom wouldn't. She used her brother and I as excuses to beg for money and complain to others. Oh and thanks for throwing my kid’s toys in my front yard just because she got her panties in a wad. I mean what was that about and why did she do that to my kid‘s stuff?
I haven't screamed in several, several months and the time on the phone she is referring to I did not even yell it. I did call her selfish and rightly so. I invited her kids over for my daughter's birthday party and she couldn’t get over herself for two minutes and let the kids come over. Also I thought it
would be an offer that she would enjoy due to the fact that it was her belated anniversary and her and her husband could get away! She did the same thing to our son on his birthday so I shouldn't have expected anything different.
Also she does not deserve to call him her brother. All she has done to him is put him in a bad position and every time she bad mouths me she is hurting him. Also if she loved him so much why would she call him and accuse him of stealing his brother’s trailer? After we talked to him he told us he had no clue where she came up with that?! Why would she do that to my husband if she cared SO much for him?

“””…Maybe you should consider letting someone else raise your kids until you can get it together....so they to are not living off family when they grow up...kids learn from their parents. and yours are not learning good skills to function as adults...Josh is a great example of this. Anger and negative turned him into a pessimistic angry person who has trouble trusting anyone. Do you want this for your kids....think of their future girlfriends and boy friends....how they will treat their kids. Open your eyes to your own behavior as well as Josh and Crystals...you will see a resemblance with out the obsessive need to hurt people Erica has…”””

This part really bothered me. Once again she feels she has the right to talk so poorly about my ability to raise my children. How dare she. Yes we have not been stable and I realize they need that but they are NOT in any harm so why should someone else raise them? Was she thinking that she could do it better? This coming from the woman who let her daughter do WHAT at eight years old and now lets a fifteen year old girl run the streets of Anchorage at two o’clock in the morning! I dare anyone else try to tell me I should let someone else raise my children!
I care deeply for the people around me who love me for who I am and the ones who deserve respect. If you are not on that list it is not my problem and you have probably done something in the past to get crossed off that list! I do not have an obsessive need to hurt people I will just ignore you if I don't like you!

“””…Erica your myspace portrait is your personality huh? You would love the control and negative energy a vampire would have...sweet heart your human (as much as some of us hate to claim you with our gender and species you are.) You are evil this I have learned through the years...but the only "magic" you hold is the ability to control those around you because they do not want to hear you big mouth blast off…”””

Just to clarify for those who do not know what portrait is mentioned above it is a self portrait that I photo shopped one day while fooling around with my program. I did it just to see if I could and because it is a good talent to have for editing my pictures. I chose a vampire because I was fixing my teeth and I thought it would be funny! I also thought it would be a good way to show how good I was if I made it look realistic! Recently due to the upcoming Halloween season not only did I change my background to a spooky scene I also put the only spooky picture I had on there. I did not do this picture because I want to be a Vampire how asinine can she be?! Just to let her know Vampires are mythical creatures and they are NOT real. I don’t have magical powers nor do I control any one.

""“…The ones that would truly practice unconditional love with you…""“

Does she even know what unconditional means? Maybe she should pull out that dictionary again! If she truly practiced unconditional love then why did she write this letter? She has never practiced unconditional love for me and it might even be fair to say that for everyone she knows. This has been true since her first trip to Alaska and has only gotten worse over the years.

“””…I did it with no one...""“

Was this before or after she borrowed money to fly up here, then stayed at her mom and dad's house, then they paid to ship all her stuff up here, or bought the tan truck for her, found her first trailer in Homer, gave her a job at the video store and borrowed money from us! She mentioned being thankful for the things done for me but claiming that she did it with no one makes her seem a little ungrateful herself!

""...you have something I have always wanted and you take it for granted. Although I think you take everything for granted except your "own beautiful face". Guess no one has talked to you about wrinkles and age...it will get you too so you may want to find something else to focus all your time on.""

First when she talks about me having something she always wanted is she talking about my husband? There seems to be this jealousy issue that is what all of her nasty remarks and crap she has pulled has been about. What do I take for granted? How blessed I am that I have a wonderful husband that does know the meaning of true unconditional love and two beautiful children. Every day that I wake up and the stress of life gets me down I just have to remind myself how lucky I really am! As far as she thinking I am beautiful, I guess a thank you is in order because I have wrinkles and grey hair. When I was working I did my hair every day and applied makeup just like MOST females out here. Now that I am not working I have no reason to wear it anymore. I just have this thing called self respect and I try not to walk around twenty four seven looking like I just rolled out of bed!

""“ …I do not "bad talk" parents…""“

This definitely not true! When she started telling people that the reason my children were crossed eyed was because I dropped them or in another story I shook them is that not bad mouthing me? She told one girl that I gave my children shaking baby syndrome! How dare she! She has drug my name as a parent through the mud so many times I can not even count them all. It is sick to hear the stories that get back to me about what she has said. I am glad the only way she can back her case is by lying . I am not the only parent in our family that she has claimed to be unfit it all depends on how bad a day she is having and who she is talking to.

“""…I have taken and watched you abuse my family, did you even think about the 8 grand mom and dad had to fork out on your truck to save their own asses?? You will never pay them back...nor will you ever feel guilt for it...you have no conscience…”""

First off the truck was not just MY responsibility my husband and I are a team when it comes that so anything you accuse me of you are also accusing your brother. Second yes we did get the truck repossessed. I worked hard for the money to get that truck back harder than I have in my life because I also had rent to pay for. Do you know what it is like to have earned that money, all of it, and getting that sigh of relief knowing you have it taken care of it, then the disappointment of having it all slip through your fingers because your boss won't pay you? Your parents have NOT forked any money over for the truck and I have already talked to your mom and we have discussed payment arrangements regarding the debt that is left to them. When the truck was taken we not only lost our vehicle for work but also our way to get our kids to their appointments and even a simple trip to the grocery store was almost impossible. If there was anything we could have done to keep that truck we would have. We know have to live with not only not having ANY transportation but with the fact that we had paid so much into that truck and have nothing to show for it. Yes I have my moments where I have argued with certain people in the family and while I will not except entire blame for those fights I do acknowledge my part in them. When it comes to fights I have had with her she has instigated and fueled them ALL. She talks of abuse but the only person who has brought this abuse is her. She is the one who doesn't have a conscience. You know why? Because she is so crazy she actually believes the crap she spews forth so she will never think she is wrong for any of the crap she pulls. Since she has never been held accountable for all the things she has done it doesn’t help. Like telling me this summer that her Mother made her four year old daughter serve my children and then went on to explain to me how my children are mentally challenged and developmentally behind because they never have to do anything for themselves. What crap. My daughter is SEVERAL levels above her classmates and my son could take apart her car and put it back together again.


""So why are you running now...and why back to Homer. Funny how it happens very quickly while mom and dad are not home. Going to go take advantage of them again...or maybe call them so they will worry and cut their trip short. I beg you not to. Please do not even call them unless it is to say "Hope your trip is wonderful." They will be home soon enough.""

See here once again she is completely full of BS. She doesn’t know what she is talking about so she has to come up with false scenarios so she seems intelligent? (This is also the case for all her “medical knowledge” ) This is how intelligent she is. She runs off to Anchor Point once again ditching her family because she is concerned that we were moving into Stan and Terry’s when all she had to do was contact her son, Heidi or even talk to her parents who we had already told what we were doing. No she has to freak out and runs to Homer using the excuse that she had to help her in laws. She may try to deny this but this was confirmed y a VERY reliable source that I know she will not want to call a liar who by the way thought she was silly for her actions!
Her concern makes me laugh because I remember a time a few years back when she broke into her parents home and snuck Chris in and was caught when her brother walked in on her. The sick part was they were doing right there on the living room floor and she didn’t even bother stopping!
So to clear things up we are staying with MY mom in Homer, we never even planned on staying at your parents and when have we taken advantage of your parents? Once and for all I want this made clear so she can quit being so jealous! My husband worked for Stan for many years devoting his entire life so far to that store. He has sacrificed so much for that store all the while being told he would be running it someday and then his son would. Everything besides the truck was a fair trade at the time. My husband has done more for your father than any of you and while that may be harsh it is true. What did any of you do for your father and that store? Oh that’s right you were all busy with your lives which is understandable, but you all act like now you have been there all along. She left at fifteen because she couldn’t keep her legs closed and got knocked up and left state. She will obviously always have DAD issues and I wonder when did she stop saying all those horrible things about her parents? ALL those lies about how horrible they were to her or has she forgotten all the things she has said?

Well there it all is. I know that most will think this letter inappropriate and that is your right. I have been accused of many things and I am finally putting a stop to the sickness. Over the past ten years I have had to listen to people accuse me of countless atrocities and I have had to take it always being told “that’s just the way they are” is it no wonder I am the angry person I am today? I have been shown letters written to my husand telling him how sorry everyone is that he is stuck with me and how they know that he is only with me because he fears I will take the kids from him. I have heard countless rumors spread about me including that I slept with some other guy. I never did sleep with some other guy and to this day Heath is my first and only. You would all love to believe that I had though. What you guys don’t see is you do not need an excuse, you just dislike me and some even hate. What I have to come to terms with is I can’t make any of you like me and I am done trying. I will be civil because of my husband but that is it. I will no longer be torn apart by jealous vicious people who are so unhappy in their lives that they have to destroy someone else’s .
I have been accused of controlling and abusing my husand but look at what ALL of you have done to him. You think you are supporting him but you are pushing him into a direction he does not want to go. You act like he has no intelligence and is unable to make his own decisions. You have constantly told him how wrong he is for the choices he makes including marrying me. How do think that affects him? You talk of abuse and control but what do you call your behavior?
At this point I am giving this warning. Have you heard of Slander and Defamation of Character? Well she is pushing the issue and my next step to get a gag order put into effect because I have had ENOUGH! This has gone beyond just simple concern for her brother and is now a vindictive attack against me and my character.

Falling into Winter

Why is it that as the trees seem to be shedding their layers, I am piling mine on?
The days of being hot and leaving the door open are gone and now the muddy spot in front of my steps has now froze dry. I wish I could say where did the summer go but I am not that silly. A lot has happened over this last Alaskan summer and I am almost craving the slowdown of a winter routine.
One last hurdle must be jumped before winter really sets in. We have been given notice to move now that the landlord has found a buyer and needs to make repairs to the house. We were already searching for places so it is not going to be that hard. There is a lot of places near this same area so the kids won't have to move schools.
I have done some searching all over to just compare prices and found some really interesting possibilities. We have even compared housing and job opportunities all over the United States and found some really amazing opportunities.
With dividends coming up what a perfect time to really put them toward something important!

The kids have been excited about coming home from school each day and reading about The Grandparents and their travels! They needed some explanations though when Grandpa started talking about loving some girl named Suzie!
The kids want more pictures though!

Oh and special Congratulations are in order for my little girl!
She keeps testing higher and higher in reading and is now several levels above her class. She is reading her first Steven King book called Eyes of the Dragon. I have already read it and it is not a typical King kind of story and she is really proud that she is reading it. I look at her and she has the hunger for whats on the next page and it makes me smile. I remember when my mom opened the door of reading for me and for that I will always be grateful!

Butch is improving with his reading and he is also gaining some more confidence with reading aloud. He has also been working hard on completing his homework. I sat down and had this huge conversation with him explaining that in order to move to the second grade he had to do all his homework and that if he didn't, they might keep him in first grade again because homework was so important. He looked at me and said "I don't care I like first grade!". Well we made him do his homework anyways. The other day he comes home with this new attitude about how getting his work done and turned in was so important. When I asked him about what changed his mind, he told me that if he didn't get his homework done his teacher would not let him go outside for recess!
I guess he just had to be threatened with the right thing!
Well that is all for now. I will have my eye on the sky for snow because I know that it is not far now for us on the South Side.

What week!

Well the landlord came by the other day and put the house we are renting up for sale. He has a potential buyer and we are set to move again before Christmas. We do not know for sure when we have to be out, but this gives us time to find something better. It just sucks not knowing when we have to be out. I have grown fond of this cute little house ALL EXCEPT THIS HORRIBLE CARPET. My Kirby keeps eating it and I have to be the only person who trims her floor before she vacuums. It is so much easier that way so I do not have to take my Kirby apart!
We are torn between where we would like to live. We love the South Side so far and with the kids both doing well in school, I would hate to move but the valley has many houses to offer for a much better price. Well the kids are excited they will have both sets of grandparents up in Anchorage this weekend! If anyone needs to get a hold of us just message us here, our phone will be working on Friday to those who have tried to call or might need to!

Flash Back!

These are the first batch of pictures I have scanned. Pretty good job for a thirty dollar printer/scanner/copier/(and fax that I can't use because I don't have a phone line!). Now I am considering taking and scanning all my old pictures, but that is so time consuming!

Anyways looks like my "perfect job" has come open again. The hours are from 10:00 till 3:00 which is perfect! It is $10.00 an hour plus commission off sales of packages and supplies, so that should work out quite nicely. Things should be looking up after that! Yeah!
The kids are doing well in school. Butch had us tricked into believing he could not read, but he slipped the other night and read an entire sentence. Seems he was shy, but now his big sister knows and won't stop until she has him reading novels. She is really getting into wanting to read the bigger books and is realizing the amazing adventures within them. She is also doing well in school she has made leaps and bounds in her math and is doing very well in all her other classes. She has also been drawing some amazing pictures, I will scan them and then post them!

My Mom and Larry came up for the weekend and we had a wonderful time. They took us out to the Cattle Company and the food was amazing! The kids even got to drink Rootbeer out of bottles that look like old fashioned beer bottles, Butch thought that was awesome! I was just hoping he didn't mention the whiskey he drinks with Grandpa as that would lead into a lengthy explanation. We even got entertained by a magician how cool is that!

I also watched my nephew for most of the week which was not to bad he was well behaved and we only had one grumpy day. I was constantly reminded why I am so lucky now that my kids are older and more independent. Starting over would be insane! That is why I will enjoy the short visits from my nephew and enjoy it even more when he goes home!
Well that is it for now!

Fairytale Over At Midnight

Music has always been something special to me. I have used it over the years to get away from my reality and to express how I felt at that moment in time. I guess I was able to put on a song and feel someone out there had felt that same way at one point in their lives. As my mood changes so does my music, varying from rock to rap to classical.
As I went to sleep Monday night I was anxious and nervous and I really didn't sleep well. I woke up early Tuesday morning to make my call to the event organizer, I still didn't know exactly what being a roadie meant I would have to do. I didn't even know when I was going to show up! It took all day to finally get a hold of someone ( I knew they were busy) and finally about 5 pm I was told to come down to the Egan Center and ask for the production manager, he would let me in.
Getting down there I met up with the production manager and I was given a "working" pass, which meant I could go every where except to the dressing rooms. I was then taken to the stage and met all the roadies and got to listen as the opening band Theory of Hate, did the sound check. I was passed on to one of the roadies who had me replace the batteries in the guitars which made me think of those battery commercials! After that I was taken up to a conference room and was given "roadie" tasks. This involved taping receipts to paper and checking on a mileage plan for the production manager. As I was sitting there this guy came in and sat down next to me and started to talk on the phone, I was trying not to stare at any of them, you know trying to be cool. Turns out the guy sitting next to me was Dave Mustaine, the lead singer of Megadeth. So I got to sit with him for a while and listen to him on the phone. After my job was done there I got to go down and go outside and grab people from the waiting line and give them preferred entrance, I am happy to say that I was able to get my niece and my friend inside without making them wait. I wonder if I earned some cool points for getting them in early. One kid in the front had been there for four hours!
As the show began there were more details they had to accomplish so I was left to myself, only getting "to dos" every once and awhile as someone would remember I was the "roadie". I hung posters and positioned chairs for "best seat" guests. I was even given the task of removing the official kwhl photographer! I also got to go to the VIP room which had FREE beer!!
Having this downtime gave me the chance to chat with all the people backstage about their jobs. They started setting up the stage and sound system at about nine, this is amazing when the opening band played at eight! There were miles and miles of cables all neatly wrapped and there were thousands of plugs they all ran to. I just had to laugh, could you imagine sending a bunch of two year olds in there! I got to witness the security briefing and those guys were amazing. There was this kid and he had done something bad, because when they finally removed him from the heaving crowd, they took him to a side door and tried to throw him out of the building. Well the kid had different ideas. He tried to fight the security guys, all three of them and funny thing is two of APD's finest were hanging out backstage (they were both fans), so that pretty much took care of the struggling teen. I just had to chuckle when he left with no shirt or shoes. Why the hell would you throw your shoe? I stepped in something when I was on my way to the sound stage and I was really glad I had my shoes still on! I don't even know what it was. Don't want to. There was the man in a wheelchair and the eight year old girl who got to go on stage with Dave.
I even got the chance to see Sarah and have a drink with her! Thanks for the beer Sarah. Man I saw her and was glad I wasn't out there!
I spent the last part of the concert in the sound stage which I thought was the best spot in the house!
When the concert was over I hung out and met the last members of the band. I ran into the Drover brothers on their way out and shook their hands. James Lomenzo gave me a hug and sat and chatted with me for a moment. He was actually really nice and funny to. He asked me what I thought of being behind the scenes. I told him that I learned there is so much more that goes into a concert than most people realize. He laughed and said it was like going to a Chinese restaurant, you never want to see how your food is made. I thought that was very fitting comment for the end of the evening.
I am not sitting here stating I know the band on a personal level, but I saw how my "food" was prepared and I am sure I will never be the same for it just as I am sure I will never forget that feeling watching Dave walk across the hallway, hat pulled down, hiding from one lone wanna be roadie. . .
I was home and safe by midnight and like the fairytale Cinderella all the magic had expired at midnight and all that was left was a poster hastily signed by the band, an all access pass from a previous Megadeth tour and my "working" pass.

Megadeth Roadie...
Hmm...I could do that. That really wasn't the question I should have been asking myself when I sent an email to KWHL 106.5 to enter the drawing. They asked anyone who wanted to be a roadie for a day for Megadeth, to email them. For the small few who do not know who Megadeth is, hear is a brief history.
Megadeth was formed in 1983 and released their first album in 1985, which was later re-released due to incomplete tracks and poor recording. This was because they spent half of the money they received to record the album on drugs and alcohol.
Megadeth has released over 13 albums and over 19 singles, and between 1990 and 1997 they were nominated for 7 Grammies for best metal performance, loosing each time.
Megadeth has always added a political view to their lyrics and even were a spokesman for ROCK THE VOTE.
Over the last twenty years Megadeth has gone through different drummers and second guitarists, with the only two remaining the same Dave Mustaine and David Ellefson, until David Ellefson and Dave Mustaine retired the group in 2002. They released another album in 2005, but they are no longer together.
They have worked with several rock artists and have done several cover songs which they put on one album so their fans wouldn't have to purchase all the soundtracks they appeared on.
Several of Megadeth's albums have reached platinum status and they are still rocking. Megadeth is considered to been one of the few bands who has lasted this long and has had such a huge influence on rock at their peak. Megadeth owes a lot of their success to their ever loyal fans.
Megadeth has offered to their fans on their latest tour a chance to be a roadie for a day. This gives the winner backstage access and a chance to meet the band.
So the question I should have asked myself was not do I want to be a roadie, but am I willing to go on Bob and Mark to win the chance. When they called me I was excited but hesitant.
When I got there this morning I was so nervous, I mean they weren't going to just hand out this pass. I knew I was going to have to earn it. I separated M&Ms, found "drugs" for the band, ate ice cream (with no spoon) and kicked ass at the trivia! All of this was to prepare me for being a roadie!
All in all it was a close competition and I think everyone did a good job! I had lots of fun and I got to see what the KWHL studio looked like.
Most importantly, I will get to meet Megadeth! How cool!

And Their Off...
sort of.

Wow. What a start to the 2007-2008 school year.
First we got a school supply list for each kid when we registered them. Our hope was to be able to buy their school stuff gradually over the last month, you know spread out the cost of the long list. Not. We got a wake up call when each kid had a list that was a half page long and on top of that, the list varied depending on which teacher they were assigned to. Which teacher we would not know until TWO days before school at the teachers meet and greet.
When we finally met their teachers the other night and knew which list we had to shop for, I went to Walmart because I figured they would have the best price. We found boxes of crayons for .20 cents and Elmer's glue for .40 cents. I wish I had extra money to spend, because my art drawer is looking kind of bare. I thought those were pretty good prices.
Well taking into consideration that it was two days before school, Walmart was not overly busy or packed.
What really blew my mind was the kid's supplies list. When I scanned over it I saw paper, crayons, scissors you know the basics. Ha. Ha. Ha. The lists were so detailed it came down to the teacher asking for specific brands. Example: If Butch got one teacher she wanted Expo dry erase markers which cost almost $9. Their was an identical set, non Expo brand, for$ 4.11. One teacher requested Crayola and the other Prang. Makes me wonder if the teachers are getting a share of $ money $ earned on school supplies or maybe they are sponsored.
The list shocked me because my son is only in first grade and my daughter is only in third grade.
I felt like my son's list should have been for my daughter and my daughter's list was for a 5th grader. My daughter's class required the minimal amount of crayons, colored pencils and makers.
Well I was not the only one who was surprised. My Mom who tagged along, kept saying "back when I bought stuff for you guys..."
I have to say I feel sorry for any Jr. High or High School parents.
The two things we could not find was a 120 pack of colored pencils for Butch and 5 composition notebooks for Sissy. As we scanned all the isles looking for the notebooks, my Mom asked a Walmart employee if they had any schools supplies somewhere else in the store. The girl did not hesitate with her reply. "No, all our school supplies are all RIGHT here." She made us feel like it was such a stupid question. So my mom explains what we are looking for and asks the girl if she knows where they are at. The girl turns and points "Go several isles down till you see the greeting card section, there is some more school stuff." My Mom turns to me and just starts laughing. "No, all our school supplies are RIGHT here."
I did see the biggest box of colored pencils though. I did not know they came in boxes of 50.!
Well today Sissy made it to school. I really like her teacher she is a soft spoken lady who is really nice and will be perfect for Sissy.
Butch has been sick all weekend and while he was feeling better today he just couldn't make it out the door. I think it was more nerves than his cold, because he refused to go. We made the agreement that he would go tomorrow and he is already back asleep in his bed. I kind of remember him doing something similar last year on the first day.
So tonight we finish buying the paper plates, notebooks, colored pencils and Ziplock bags!
With them off at school I will have plenty of time to start searching for a job!
Oh Yeah!

Who wants to be a Roadie?

Who Wants to be a Roadie?

When it comes to daily rituals, I have just a few. One of my morning rituals is pouring a nice cup of coffee and turn on the radio, if it is not already still on from the night before. I open myspace, blogger and my flickr account and surf, listen and drink those few quiet moments of morning.
I have been listening faithfully every not only because the guys on 106.5 KWHL are extremely hilarious, but because I have also entered several contests to win free stuff.
Well the other morning I was listening, but surfing the web at the same time, so I was only half listening when this ad for wanting to be a roadie for a day came on.
I went online and sent KWHL my email and phone number. I thought,what the heck, that would be pretty cool.
I mean I think it would be cool to be a fake roadie, I am sure I would get to meet the band!
I got an email from Jen, the production manager at KWHL, asking me if I could be available August 24th from 6 to 10 am. I replied that I could probably work something out, but I was curious as to what I was going in for. Anyone who listens to the Bob and Mark know that they have pulled some crazy stuff on their show.
Well she called me today to make sure I was going to show up. She couldn't tell me much (that would be no fun!) but I got that I will be competing against other people to be a roadie for a day.
So now I must brush up on my Megadeth trivia, because I am not sure if they will ask questions or if they will have us do something else. I hoping for the questions!
Anybody got any ideas what kind of clothes roadies wear? I was thinking something dark and sort of hair bandish. I dunno.
Well tune in August 24th, you just might get a laugh or two!

Saturday...

Oh What Fun!

Saturday was spent relaxing, recouperating and a little mall walk for exercise. Oh, yeah and taking some pictures. :) I have been neglecting my poor camera! Sissy has been feeling better today, she got up this morning with no fever. Butch on the other hand is still not feeling well, he is still running a small fever and has started coughing a little bit. Sissy got sick first, so I am hoping that Butch will be better tomorrow.
The kids spent most of the day playing with their cousin and watching movies, so we decided they needed to burn off some energy. So we went on a mall walk! The first few laps were fine, but soon the kids got bored. I guess walking the mall and NOT buying something seemed really weird to them.

Bubbles

Mohawk!
I don't wanna get out!
Oh, so pretty!
One bottle to many!
Say CHEESE!
Hermit crabs with painted shells?
One question came to mind. Where is the rest of them?
Silver Wave!

Just another day...

:( Blah...what a day. I am bored. I never thought that this would come out of my mouth, but I got caught up with my housework and unpacking yesterday and now I have nothing to do. The kids are both feeling poorly complaining of headaches and chills. Great, and school has not even started yet. They are both laying down now so maybe they will feel better when they wake up.
My mom and my sister is staying with us for the next couple of days while my mom gets her oncology checkup. This weekend will be so fun! We have a card game planned for tonight, so any interested parties are welcome to join.
I have been playing with my photo shop program and having a blast! I am taking pictures of me (these were the only ones I was brave enough to use) and editing them. This set is a little on the darker side, but that kind of reflects my mood recently!

Sunbath

Darkeyez

Star Cat

Heidi Shot

Vampire!

As I scanned everyone's site, I see that many have not posted in a few days and I think I am experiencing blogger deflation. I so missed blogging when I did not have internet, and all I looked forward to was rejoining my family on blogger. Now that I have rejoined the blogging community I have scanned each persons site for something new, to no avail!
I understand that the absence of my blogging family just means they have stuff going on! So I send out my best wishes to everyone during the rest of this week. May you all accomplish your tasks so you can come play on the internet with me!
Donny, congrats and good luck. I wish you the best with your latest purchase!

Watch , my site for some neat stuff happening. All the stuff I have been playing around with for the last couple of years is finally getting finished. I should have cds with pictures out in the next month. ( as soon as I can afford disks!)

Oh What a Day!

We started our plans the night before Father's day. We really did not have much preference as to what we should do on Sunday, Father's day. After several discussions and possible places we could go, after considering we were all broke and two of us had to work the next day, we settled on Jim's Creek. Just a short drive from Palmer if you go the long way.
We left relatively early the next morning meeting in Eagle River for munchies and Beer. We took all three of our rigs, the Buffalo's Yukon, the Woodpeckers Suburban and our Silverado and headed north. I have figured it a little over 13 miles from Eagle River to the Old Glenn turnoff and about 10 miles from the Old Glenn turnoff to the road we turned on to. This was all easy traveling, only hitting gravel as we left the Old Glenn.
We then started of on a well traveled trail that wove through the forest until we popped out on to Knik River beach. We drove along these flats until we crossed to what I would say was the west side and where Josh said the trail to Jim's creek was located. We got to the possible trail only to find it blocked by a huge trailer camping out, so we drove through some other trails hoping to find another way to the creek, but to no avail. We did meet other people out enjoying the day, but I think they had a better all terrain vehicles than we did.
After several failed attempts and liberal amounts of Deet, we agreed to head back out of the woods and try the flats for a better trail.
Well, I think it safe to say that we found a trail...not sure if it was better and sadly I do not have the pictures of this first crossing because I honestly did not think Eric would do it. He did cross the first river at the deepest point but made it with no issue. For those of you who think I may be exaggerating, just keep reading for the proof. What is funny is that minutes after crossing the river the Yukon got stuck in a pile of sand. The picture below shows Shana saying it was NOT her idea!

After this it was pretty smooth driving, well sort of, we were driving now in the ancient bed of the Matanuska Glacier and the flood plains of the Knik river, so there was lots of gravel. We drove further until we again came to another river crossing and after watching several four wheelers and dirt bikers crossing we knew our rigs could make it no problem
Some people had the right idea though...

While others did not...
We drove further stopping for a lunch of sandwiches, chips and cookies. Just the kind fuel needed.

After a quick lunch we headed out again. We continued to drive on the gravel beds for awhile longer and even though we were getting closer to the glacier and the sun was hiding, we were not really cold. Strangely the breeze that would blow would carry the scent of wild roses and was so fragrant you would expect to see fields and fields of them only finding short stubby bushes growing with a few rose bushes here and there.
The trails we were now traveling were nothing more than four wheeler trails cutting through the dense bush. I do remember hearing Eric state at one stopping point that he really didn't care where we went as long as he didn't scratch his Yukon anymore...
Once we realized our path was taking us to even more narrow paths, we decided to find a way back to the gravel bed we had been traveling on before.

Shana volunteered to be our scout and jumped out and ran ahead. A few seconds later we hear Shana yell that she found a trail back to the gravel. Eric went first and as we watched him disappear into the bushes I had to kind of wonder what kind of trail Shana had found. As it was our turn we had to go and while Shana did find us back to the gravel it was a tight fit.

While my truck suffered some wounds, they were nothing compared to the ones received by Eric with Josh getting it the worst. I did make a field diagnosis that the scratches were superficial and could be easily buffed out.
After assessing the damages we drove on further. As we drove it was as if were transported to a strange world. I know this sounds weird, but that is the only way I can explain the dwarfed trees and mini forests.

After traveling through this eerie forest it occurred to us that we were actually seeing the tops of tall cottonwood trees buried underneath a gravel land slide. We drove through this strange forest and came out on a gravel bar with a stream running next to it. We decided that this would be a great place to have a fire and chill for a while.
After we were done fishing, shooting and hiking we decided it was time to head backWell actually we were out of cigs and running low on gas, so we pretty much had to. Shana was concerned that our fire might spread, so she made sure it was put out.
We were back on the road shortly after that.
On our way back we got the chance to help a couple who had gone a little to far off the beaten path...
OOPs!!
After pulling the family out we continued on our way playing in the water as we went!
Eric and Shana

Josh and Donny
Shana enjoying the benefits of a sunroof! What fun!!
We drove the flats back...until it was time for another break to let the "kids" play in the sand!

After playing in the sand it was finally time to head back. Remember when I said I had proof of Eric going through the deep part of that river...well once was not enough!

Shana so not enjoying her sunroof!! Notice she is drenched, along with her spare dry clothes! Even the babies got wet way in the back!

OOOPPS!!!!

Anyways that was the last river we had to cross and shortly after that we back on the main road. Thanks all who came, that is the most fun I have had here up north!!! I also got some great shots so check out my flickr account!