I am writting tonight to vent. I will aplogize now for anything I write below that might offend in any way, anyone. I feel I must write this though.

I arrived at work at 10:30 this morning which is really strange for me. Our store is going through a severe remodel right now and our counter was moved last night. I was in early to help arrange the counter and cover the breaks. The morning started out really bad. The phone at my counter is the main line into the store and we could not put any calls on hold. Also we could not page anyone in the store. this meant that every two min. or so we would get a call, put the phone down and then run to the registers. The person recieving the call then would have to run all the way to our counter to pick up the call. To really explain the chaos I would also like to mention that five rows of shelving were in the process of being moved and it was senior day.
I was not in a good mood.
I heard the first call for 911 very clearly. I do not know how. There was a bobcat working all day in the store, but I heard it. I made two attempts to dial the number, but it would not go through. I handed the phone to my coworker and told her to dial 911. I went knowing that even with my emt 1 cert having lapsed alomost five years ago, I am way more qualified than most of my fellow employees. There is maybe one person on shift at any given time that has maybe had cpr training at one time.
Arriving where the call came from I saw the man on the floor. My heart sank. I sold coffee to this man every morning shift that I worked. We had just talked yesterday.
There was another guy just bending over him getting ready to help. Another employee showed up also. It was strange. In that one minute or more we were the only ones at first.
I never got the first man's name, and even though I have heard people say that, it really matters some how. It turns out that he had just finished his cpr training.
The employee was a young guy who was actually taking his final emt test on Friday.
When I got to him I knew it was serious, but I do admitt I did not know what was wrong with him besides the obvious. A third employee who happened to be an emt 3 arrived andwe all took positions. The man quit breathing and his body had curled up making it hard to open his airway. The young guy next to me was in charge of blowing breaths intot he man' s mouth, and he did it. The anonymous guy was in charged of getting the pulse, and he did it. I was in charge of keeping his airway, and I did it. The other employee not only put the energy into giving the man chest compresions, but she led three unexperianced people.
Not one of us falterd. We would get him to take a breath and get a puslse and then it was gone. We all sat above this man and tried to help him never stopping even though we did not have a pulse.
The man died in our hands on the concrete floor of safeway.
I honestly feel that the man died when the first employee and I arrived. He was making noises and trying to fight. I will forever remeber color of his sin and his eyes. I will never forget looking to my right and seeing the kid next to me and the anonymous man, and then looking to my right and looking up to the women at my side.
I don't want to sound melodramatic, but a few things struck me as odd after the emts arrived. People were backed up both ways down the main ilse of safeway because of where he had fallen. Strangley people just shopped around him. They had to push a lady away grabbing for a can of corn when they were going to shock him! People could not believe they had to walk around to the next ilse.
The next wierd thing is all three of us employees had a man die in our laps. This is something that does not happen everyday to a checker. Our mangers never asked how we were doing, they just made sure that we got back to our counters. We did not get a break or chance to collect our selves. I am most worried about the kid next to me. He asked me what he could of done better. It was his first death and no one seemed to really care about how he was handling it.
I sit here now just tense with something that is not quite anger, almost fear, a litte saddness and a lot of disgust. I constantly replay certain parts but it still all seems unreal.