So we are here and with us we seem to have brought the ideal white Christmas. Since we have gotten here we have have had several inches of snow with more to come. We took the kids to see Santa yesterday and what an amazing show it was. They had a magician and a ventriliquist! This was no small affair. It was held in the Peshkie Center (I think I spelled that correctly) and there were several hundred people and twice that many kids. The entire event was really neat and they went all out with candy for the kids ( I am talking bags of FULL size candy bars) and even had prizes for all. The line to see Santa was extremely long and took us about 45 minutes to get through. The only negative thing was a mother who stood behind me and my children and kept telling her kids to push past us! Her twelve year or so daughter kept telling her no, but the mother insisted and pushed past several people before making EACH one of her kids sit for at least 10 posed photos. Sissy just looked at me and said " I guess Santa will be bringing her coal for Christmas!" I just smiled. What do you do?
The kids went and picked out a tree and have brought some Christmas cheer to my Grandma and Uncle's house. Sissy has made sure the tree is trimmed JUST right hanging Christmas ornamants that were made by my now gone Great Grandma Barrett. They will be spoiled this year due to the fact that they hav not been seen by most of my family here and I think they feel they have some making up to do. The kids I am sure will be happy.
I have gotten to see my sister and I am as happy as I can be for her. She is clean and has to take weekly UAs to make sure she stays clean which is good for her. Her husband is back in her life which is never a good thing but we can't choose. She is working and has her own trailer which is a huge step for her. She seems to be coming to terms with the loss of her children and while she knows she can never get the younger kids back she still hopes to Aric back. I am not sure if that will ever happen but it gives her something to look forward to and work towards.
We all went over and made cookies with my Great Aunt on Saturday and the kids had a ball! How many women does it take to figure out how to use a Pampered Chef Cookie Press? Obviously 3. Once we figured it out it was easy but man we were hopless there for a while. My family has accepted Heath with open arms and he is becoming good friends with my Uncle Phil. He is a big guy with an even bigger heart and my kids have conned him into several of his collectables to play with. Butch is now the proud owner of TWO model ships, the Mayflower and the Santa Maria, an inflatable guitar and microphone. Sissy has taken to all the stuffed animals my Grandma has made over the years and even found a doll that was made for me. I do not remember the doll but I guess I sent it back to her to fix the mouth on it! Funny. So the stories have been going around about the things I used to do when I was little and while I remember some of them, most of them I do not! It is nice to return to the place where you spent some of your happiest times and be be with the people who were the family you grew up knowing. I haven't seen them in almost twenty years yet they make it feel as though I haven't left! To understand how important that is you have to know that my father's family does not really keep in touch so while we have been in Alaska we did so miss the feeling of family.
Now for the negative.
Heath has been sad since we left due to how he was sent off and while I am not saying the choices we have made have always been the best I do feel that he did not deserve what he got the night we left. While some will claim it was done out of love or concern it was malicious and uncalled for. What right do you have to accuse him of using drugs especially in front of his mother? Why is it all right for that to be brought up when NONE of you are anything close to SAINTS? I have heard the stories you have all told about the things you have done in the past and even some in the past few years. Are we wrong if we tell these things to others and is turn about fair play? Nope, not in your world. Those were all things done in the past and you have all moved on. Why is it all right for you to pull up everything he has ever done in his life and throw it in his face with everyone there? I have been told that I have manipulated and controlled my husband and that I have taken all his confidence what do you all call this? Have anyone of you EVER had that done to you? Could you imagine his humiliation?
I also wonder why was it wrong for me to bring our "personal" probelms to blogger but others are allowed to write nasty remarks hidden in comments? I erased a comment left by him because I knew he would regrett it later but the mean part of me wanted to leave it so that others would know how he felt. Is what was done the night he left not enough? I was expecting these things to be done to me and figured I even deserved some of them, but him? What has he done to any of YOU? He is NOT the man you have all made him out to be and one day you will severly regrett what you did.
The only best wishes came from an unlikely person and while we don't see eye to eye it made my heart feel better that at least one person said they had wished they had not sent him off like that. I will say this, if my husband had any doubts about leaving you all made sure to erase them along with any desire to return to the state he loves.
Kind of sad.
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3 comments:
Okay First of all I am glad you arrived safely and the kids are having a good time getting ready for Christmas. NONE of this would have ended up this way had you two did one thing differently...communicate. You left a lot of questions in everyones minds. A lot of untied ends that they were worried about. A simple phone call even if you expected a lecture you stated your self you may or may not have deserved. A phone call letting someone know what was up. See we do love Heath very much and some are having issues trying to figure out how to communicate this to him when they never know how to find him and you always have the phone. The way he was sent off was not cool...the thing is...brunch is usually served around 11 or 12...dinner by 6...a family going away dinner that was not suppose to turn out that way...when you arrived with barely 10 minutes to spare...some freaked out after holding themselves together and waiting for "an hour" to go by 6 hours later. Erica I am a Saint...or as close to one as someone can get on this earth. I do my best to live a life of truth now. I discovered that lies...no matter what the reason for telling them hurt yourself and others. Yes the truth hurts to...but that pain heals when the issue is fixed...good pain verses bad pain. A balance of negative and positive to maintain a neutral or positive attitude. This does not mean you are never sad, hurt, jealous, or frustrated. This means you do not let these emotions drive you into anger. Anger is bad of all bads. You may hold my past against me or you can see that I have accepted the mistakes I made...attempted to fix them in the best way I can that does not harm myself or others mentally physically or spiritually. It is human to make mistakes. It is human to want to deny them to ourselves and others. It is spiritual to admit them, accept them and change them. John Mclay is one of the most spiritual men I know. He may have his own issues with himself, but they are his battles and as far as I know he does not bring them to anyones attention. I have never known John ,and I have known him a long time, to maliciously hurt anyone. In fact the truth is all I have ever heard from his mouth...and yes I have been on the receiving end of "hurtful truths" from John Mclay. But if it hurts...dig into that pain and ask your self why would someone else's opinion cause you so much pain...unless it is something you yourself have issues with but wont admit to yourself. The worst lies ever are the ones I told myself.Told to protect myself from having to make changes that I did not want to have to make...but knew I needed to. I truly hope you find what it takes for you to address the demons in your own self (and Heath too). It is healing and I promise it leads to contentment. Not always happiness...but contentment. Please quit using my mess ups as excuses to make yours fell better. I did screw up in the past...and I will again in the future, I am sure, it is how humans learn. Some where very large...others you will never know about...my hopes in talking to you about my past was that you would see how another walked through life and maybe make your own path around some of the bullshit. You used this information to judge your own mistakes and as long as you never become a "drug addicted parent who neglects their kids financially" you feel your doing okay...for this seems to be the largest mistake a parent can make in your eyes...or anyway the one you judge me by...but that was only 6 months of 22 years of parenting...call it my midlife crisis and move on...I have. I truly hope you find the SPIRIT of Christmas this year...maybe realize that the material possession given usually don't last long...the memories of family fun and JESUS will last forever...Erica I may not like you, but I do love you...somewhere inside of everyone is a spark of goodness...in some it is rather small, in others buried by bull shit I hope you start shoveling soon before the ember dies....
part of this did not copy and paste over...(erasing it will do know good...I have it saved)it should have said...
. Erica I am not a Saint...(talk to Grandpa Jack, he has a lot of healing advice and NEVER passes judgment.) but as close to one as someone can get on this earth. I do my best to live a life of truth now.
Again you have missed the point and gone on to ramble about me. That post was about Heath and the way he was treated NOT me. I am NOT burried in bullshit I just don't feel that it is anyone's business and it is fine by me if you all want to go on the information from others I thought you ALL were different. I am not angry that WE were accused about drugs because we are guilty I am angry that this has been festering in the backs of people's minds for several years now and no one had the decency to just ask. If you were all SO concerned for our welfare why was thisnever brought up? We are NOT doing drugs and I would say ask your son because he lived with us, but he is not telling the truth as of late.
As far as the only way to reach Heath is MY phone well that just shows how immature you all really are. That is OUR phone and if someone called to talk to him I would be GLAD to hand the phone over to him I actually had hoped that someone would call him after we left. And another thing why does he have to be the one to call even now you all know my number but refuse to call because why? How was it put in the airport? "That's her phone!" C'mon people if you loved him you would call him even if it meant talking to me for two seconds. but again immaturity reigns.
Honey this is not an insult but just you claiming to be close to a saint proves you are not! I am not and I am fine with that but you talk about living with my delusions maybe you should take a look at your self!
Was that a shot about material things again? Wow come up with something new! Even the night we left you all tried to use that as ammo but sadly none of you know SHIT about me. Yes I like to buy things not usually for myself but you all only see it when I by for myself because it is more fuel for later. Like smiling when I tell you about the 80 dollars I spent and then throwing it in my husband's face later as an insult. Uh first that is the most money I have spent in MONTHS and my husband knew about it and ok'd it. Second SO FUCKING WHAT! Why is it your jobs to chase after me calculating how much money I spend? Do you not have anything better to do with your time, seriously?
As far as the spirit of Christmas it has NOTHING to with the materialistic side of things everything has already been bought and even more is on its way. It is just as you said family is the true meaning and I now get to see my husband upset and hurt and there is not much I can do. He loves his family and never would have treated ANY of you this way.
You guys had all of that planned and wheather we showed up that morning or that afternoon you all would have done the same thing to him. Things just didn't work the way you all wanted it to because there was not enought time left to let him cool down after you all reamed him! You guys showed your "UNCONDITIONAL" love and since I know Heath he will forgive in time because he is a sweet guy but not all will be the same again.
Another person you did not care about was Terry. Was it part of your plan to plant a bunch of new fears on top of the ones she already had? I mean just the fact that we are moving was hard enough but no you guys had to make it worse. That I will never understand!
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